It is the 21st of April 2019

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Bloomberg Pronounces The Early Death Of The Traditional Long-Short Hedge Fund Model

Bloomberg has apparently just taken it upon itself to pronounce the early, unceremonious demise of the traditional Long/Short Hedge Fund model after seemingly declaring that stocks will continue to march higher in perpetuity, with minimal volatility, thus rendering traditional financial analysis and stock picking about as obsolete as a Motorola pager from 1982.  Of course, we embellish a little...but not much...here is Bloomberg's take:

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New Yorker Fires "Star" Political Reporter Ryan Lizza For "Improper Sexual Conduct"

Remember Ryan Lizza? He is the New Yorker's up and rising, and according to many "star" political reporter - as well as CNN analyst - who rose to prominence in July when he published the full transcript of former White House Communications Director Anthony Scaramucci tirade-laced, offon-the-record phone call, in which the Mooch slammed Bannon (who was “trying to suck [his] own cock”) and Priebus (who is a "fucking paranoid schizophrenic") and which led to Scaramucci's resignation just days after his appointment.

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Deutsche: "We Are Almost At The Point Beyond Which There Will Be No More Bubbles"

Whereas many Wall Street strategists enjoy simplifying their stream of consciousness when conveying their thoughts to their increasingly ADHD-afflicted audience, the same can not be said for Deutsche Bank's Aleksandar Kocic, who has a troubling habit of requiring a background and competency in grad level post-modernist literature as a prerequisite for his articles among the handful of readers who don't already speak exclusively in binary. Here is an example of Kocic's "unique" narrative style:

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